A night of self reflection 💭

Tonight is one of those particularly restless nights. I am far from flawless. I grapple with my own imperfections, not least of which is my struggle with bipolar disorder. But this doesn’t halt my journey of self-improvement. I persistently aim to better myself, to evolve as a human being. On nights like these, when sleep eludes me, I wrestle with a torrent of thoughts. My mind, buzzing with energy and ideas, often leads to tension headaches. It’s during these sleepless periods that I find myself reflecting and realizing the value of a good night’s sleep, something others might take for granted.

I often carry regret for my past mistakes, those committed just an hour ago or a decade prior. I struggle with self-forgiveness, with accepting that I am enough and have accomplished good. I struggle with recognizing my own worth.

My heart feels heavy, especially for my beloved mother, who had to fill both parental roles after my father’s departure from this world. We have our disagreements and there are times when mutual understanding eludes us. At times, I respond too hastily. As Dr. Omar Suleiman said, quick reactions often lead to errors. Hence, we should be mindful with our words and actions, especially in this digital age.

However, we need not be consumed by guilt over our past errors. We all have flaws. The key is to acknowledge them and strive continuously to become better.

Sometimes, I see myself as a gharib (stranger) in certain scenarios. Not because I deliberately choose to be different, but because I’m not oblivious to others’ perceptions of me. I admit, I am unsure if this is the healthiest mindset, but I do believe that understanding how others view us is crucial for self-reflection and growth.